


Boyfriend

by r0kudaime



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 17:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15611619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r0kudaime/pseuds/r0kudaime
Summary: i’d love him til the very endbut instead he is just a friendaka, oh sehun and kim jongin are skaters, and sehun pines.





	Boyfriend

Sehun slips his cheap five dollar sunglasses over his eyes, placing his board down onto the ground before taking off down the street, riding over the familiar asphalt of his neighborhood. It's nearing the afternoon, and the roads are getting a bit crowded, he has to avoid getting run over by the same cars that nearly hit him everytime he's out like this. He doesn't mind, though. It's comforting this way, to see familiar surroundings as he rides around on his skateboard, soaking up the salty air of the pacific ocean, the air that just barely manages to get rid of most of the Los Angeles smog.

He rides onto the boardwalk of Venice Beach, avoiding the throngs of tourists and people trying to sell you anything and everything, doing his best not to run over any dogs or kids that might stray in his path. The last thing he wants is to hurt somebody, especially when he's on his way to meet Jongin at the skate park just at the edge of the beach.

It's crowded with young kids who are trying to emulate the pro skaters that they're used to seeing, and Sehun just rolls his eyes at it. They're all annoying, for the most part, and he just wants to grab Jongin and go skate off somewhere else where it can be just the two of them.

"Sehun, hey! Over here!" Jongin's voice rings out through the air, hand waving in the air from where he stands at the outskirts of the crowd, full lips pulled into a grin that stretches across his face.

"Let's go now," Sehun skates over quickly, knocking Jongin's hat off his head as he rides past, laughter spilling past his lips at the older boy's indignant protests.

Sehun's board rattles and screeches against the concrete beneath the wheels, and he's still laughing as he does his best to keep ahead of Jongin. The elder is quick though, he's always been a faster skater than Sehun himself, and it's not long until he's caught up.

Jongin launches himself off his board, body colliding with Sehun's and they go toppling into the grass, grappling onto each other as they roll around, skateboards disappearing into the nearby bushes. With a swift elbow to the gut, Jongin rolls off the younger boy, who's left gasping on the ground clutching his stomach, wheezing out curses at the former's back as he walks away.

"That's what you get for knocking my hat off, you little shit," Jongin looks smug as he tosses Sehun's board down, fixing the cap on his head, "It's brand new, too."

"You're just being a big baby," Sehun rubs his stomach as he sits up, frowning at the ache in his muscles. (Jongin has bony elbows, damnit.)

"Nope. Come on, I'm hungry," Jongin extends his hand, which Sehun takes and the older hauls him up to his feet.

With a roll of his eyes, Sehun follows the other boy away from the grass, boards tucked under their arms as they walk, the crowds too thick for them to ride. It's quiet, neither of them speaking a word as they make their way to their favorite burger stall nearby, pooling their money to buy a basket of fries and a strawberry shake.

They sit on the wall seperating the sand from the sidewalk, munching on their food and sharing their shake, joking around and catching up. Sehun loves the comfort and familiarity of Jongin, the latter having been his best friend for the past five years, ever since they met at the age of eighteen at a local concert.

Over the years not much has changed, to be honest. They've been doing this, skating and sharing food, from the very beginning. Sehun still falls a little more in love with Jongin each time they spend time together.

No big deal.

Ringing interrupts Sehun's thoughts, and Jongin is rummaging through his pocket to pull out his phone, eyebrows knitting together briefly as he looks at the screen, answering soon after. Sehun isn't paying any attention at all, not interested in the conversation, and only Jongin's shoving at his shoulder brings him back to reality.

"That was Kyungsoo, I gotta go," Jongin looks apologetic as he stands, brushing his clothes clean of crumbs.

Sehun's stomach twists at those words, the mask of indifference that he's perfected over the past two years already in place. He can't let Jongin know just how much it bothers him that he's dating someone who isn't himself.

"It's cool, we can meet up some other time. Just call me up next time you wanna go skate, or whatever," Sehun shrugs, trying to be nonchalant as he cleans up as well.

"Alright, I'll see you later, then. Bye," Jongin pats Sehun's shoulder before setting down his board and skating off.

Sehun waves half-heartedly, letting out a sigh as he watches the older boy disappear into the crowds. Even after all this time the knowledge that Jongin loves someone else stills hurts him more than he'd like to admit.

 

 

 

The sun beats down on Sehun's back, and he's dripping sweat unattractively as he collects another shopping cart from the middle of the parking lot, dragging it back to where the rest are at. _Why can't these lazy assholes just put them back where they belong on my god stop making my life harder than it needs to be._ It's times like these when he really hates working at the grocery store, summer days the worst time to be surrounded by black asphalt doing manual labor.

"Mind if I take one of these?"

"Yeah, whatever," Sehun answers, not paying attention to anything except for how hot and irritated he is at the moment.

A chuckle draws his attention, and then it dimly registers in his brain that he knows that voice.

"Jongin?" he questions, finally glancing over and squinting at the figure who's back is facing the sun, making his features hard to make out in the bright glare of the light.

"Didn't think you would notice me," Jongin grins, teeth glinting white and bright in the sun, starkly standing out against the bronze of his skin.

"I'm busy, in case you didn't notice," Sehun scoffs, gesturing to the line of shopping carts in front of him, "Nice to see you though, what's up?"

The older male looks around a little uncomfortably, scuffing his well-worn shoes against the ground, his shoulders shrugging as he answers, "Shopping, what else would I be doing here?"

"Good point. You look a little anxious, there," Sehun points out, noticing Jongin's fidgeting and avoidance of looking at his gaze.

Before the other can answer, however, there's another voice calling out, and suddenly Kyungsoo is standing at Jongin's side, tone questioning and a little impatient, "Jongin, what's taking so long?" he glances over then, and looks a little surprised to see Sehun standing there, but then he recovers himself and he's flashing the younger a polite smile, "Hi Sehun, I wasn't expecting to see you. Can I take one of these off your hands?"

Sehun nods, pulling a cart free and wheeling it over to the older male, returning his polite smile. Kyungsoo thanks him with a brighter smile, his attention already turned back to Jongin.

Doing his best to ignore the quiet conversation between the two, Sehun goes back to scanning the lot with his eyes to see if there's any more shopping carts that he might have missed. He doesn't really have to do this, but it's much better than having to pay attention to the couple in front of him.

Jongin's awkward cough catches his attention again, and the older boy looks a little sheepish as he adresses Sehun, "Well, I guess I better go inside now, Kyungsoo needs help. Good seeing you, I'll hit you up soon, yeah? See ya, Sehun."

"Yeah, for sure. Catch you later," he nods, immediately going back to his work as Jongin strolls into the store, trying to ignore the familiar sinking and twisting of his gut.

It's hard to completely ignore though, the feeling more intense than usual because of actually seeing Kyungsoo in the flesh, at his work, of all places. Sehun can't help but feel inadequate in comparison, pushing shopping carts around in his minimum wage job, while the elder has already graduated college and has a good _career_ , something that is more than he could ever hope for, being a high school dropout and all.

_No wonder Jongin likes him better,_ Sehun thinks to himself as shift nears an end, _he actually has his shit together._

 

 

 

Sehun's wallowing in misery in his apartment is interrupted by incessant knocking on his front door. He contemplates pretending he's not home, determined to stay glued to his couch, moaning about his life to Mochi, his trusty cat who understands him better than anyone else. But the knocking doesn't stop, and Sehun knows exactly who it is and how they won't give up until he answers the door.

With a sigh, he walks over and grudgingly opens the door, entirely unsurprised at the sight of his oldest friend, Luhan, on his doorstep. The blonde haired boy is accompanied by his boyfriend, Minseok, and their little toy poodle eagerly wagging her tail between the two of them.

"It's about time you answered!" Luhan exclaims, barging into Sehun's apartment as if he owns the place.

Sehun just steps aside, allowing Minseok to walk in, who looks long-suffering as he shoots the younger boy an apologetic look.

"Why did you bring your dog, you know that Mochi is afraid of her," Sehun grumbles, shutting his front door and scowling as his orange tabby disappears off to hide under his bed.

"You know that I take Snacks with us everywhere, Sehunnie, I don't know why you're even surprised anymore," Luhan settles himself onto the couch, shaking his head and nudging some of the mess aside to make room for Minseok to sit down next to him.

"Just wondering," he mumbles, dragging over a chair from his kitchen and settling into it across from the couple on his couch, "So what do you want?"

Luhan settles Snacks onto his lap, petting the small animal and looking thoughtful before answering, "I haven't heard from you in a while. Did something happen with Jongin?"

Sehun stiffens in his seat, frown gracing his lips at Luhan's response. Sometimes he truly wonders how the older boy seems to know everything about his life without Sehun having to actually tell him anything. Or maybe pining over Jongin is just so common that the the other simply assumes that's the problem everytime.

That's usually the case, but it's still a bit disconcerting how Luhan seems to know exactly when to come over.

"No, I just saw him and Kyungsoo at work, that's all," he shrugs, glancing down and picking at his nails, trying to brush the encounter off and play it down so it wouldn't seem like such a big deal.

The older male seems to know what exactly Sehun is doing, and he glances over at Minseok who merely shakes his head, before letting out a sigh and replying, "That must have been rough. You're holding up okay though, right?"

Sehun just nods, not wanting to explain how much it actually bothered him, and how Luhan had shown up in the middle of him brooding and depressing himself in self-pitying thoughts.

"You know, you should try and win him over, Sehun. Now don't get me wrong, I like Kyungsoo, he's a cute guy, and nice," Luhan rushes to explain, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, "But I think you and Jongin would be better together. You've got a lot in common, maybe you should tell him how you feel, or drop hints."

"I've been dropping hints for years, Luhan, we both know that wouldn't work," he snaps, his patience already worn thin even though the older boy has hardly been here for any time at all.

It's not that Sehun doesn't appreciate the advice, he honestly does like how Luhan cares enough to try and help him out with his life. The last thing he wants right now is useless advice, however, because that's the only thing he ever seems to get. _Advice._ Never a plan, or exact instructions on what to do. Something detailed and fail-proof would be better, not words and hopeful what-if's. They won't get him what he wants.

Luhan looks mildly annoyed at Sehun's less-than-cheerful response, and looks as if he's about to hotly retort, but Minseok places a calming hand on his shoulder, which causes him to snap his mouth shut and sigh in frustation.

"Besides," Sehun continues, "who needs love when I have a cat?"

"I wish I had kept my cat instead of letting Luhan move in with me," Minseok adds in, looking a little amused as he contemplates the thought.

Luhan lets out a squak of protest, aiming a punch at his boyfriend's arm for the comment.

 

 

 

Despite it being the middle of summer, the nights are still fairly cold this close to the ocean, which is why Sehun and Jongin are cuddled up under a thick blanket together. They're sitting on the roof of Sehun's apartment building, the rickety old beach chairs the two of them are resting in are comfortably worn and broken in, their hands clapsed and fingers laced together bringing warmth to their palms and spreading its way up their arms and warming up the rest of their bodies.

It's dark out, the only light coming from the flickering street lamps down the road, but neither of them mind, really. They're up here for a reason, having stayed awake all night just to experience this moment. Sehun realizes the phrase _it's darkest before the dawn_ is actually true, he's honestly never experienced a nighttime that's quite as dark as this before.

But it doesn't matter, because it only lasts for a little while longer, and then the sky is lightening up, the sun slowly beginning to make its way up the horizon. The oranges and reds and pinks are making their appearance, and Jongin's fingers are clutching tighter onto his own, the silence between the two of them only adding to the beauty of the moment.

Sehun looks over at Jongin then, admiring the way that the light of dawn highlights all of the other boy's features, making him appear even more attractive than he already is. It's as if Jongin's face and skin were made to be viewed through this type of light, the faint sun-dyed gold and honey streaks in his hair becoming more prominent than they usually are. It compliments Jongin's darker skin tone, the light making him glow with the air and aura of summertime and lazy beach days.

As the sun finally makes its way higher into the sky, its rays warming up the both of them enough that the blanket lays forgetten on the ground, Jongin finally turns to Sehun. Their eyes meet, and they just hold their gazes for a few moments, each admiring the shadows and curves of their features in the morning light.

And then Jongin is leaning in, free hand reaching up to rest on Sehun's cheek, tilting his head at just the right angle, their lips meeting together in a kiss that warms them up, completely ridding their bodies from the last of the nighttime chill.

Sehun wakes up from the dream feeling more wistful and sad than ever.

 

 

 

Sehun parks his piece of shit car in the parking lot of the record store that Jongin works at, hoping he'll be able to find something good and to spend some time with the latter. When he walks in, he sees that Jongin is sitting behind the register, feet propped up on the counter and flipping through some pretentious hipster music magazine.

There's indie music playing through the store's sound system, and it sounds as if it's playing through Jongin's (or maybe Jongdae's) ipod, instead of the record player that it usually is. Sehun just snorts, walking over to the counter, where Jongin doesn't even look up from his magazine to acknowledge his best friend.

"I thought you were only supposed to play classic music in here," Sehun deadpans, browsing through a box of records that sits on the counter, obviously having been ignored by the employees and not sorted out yet.

"Boss isn't here, so who gives a shit, really," Jongin replies, shrugging, face still buried in the pages of his magazine.

Sehun just rolls his eyes, continuing to rummage through the box, "Are you still up for going skating tomorrow morning? It's my day off, and you close, right? So you don't have to be here until later."

At this point, the older boy finally does set down his magazine, tossing it aside as he leans forward, resting his elbows on top of the counter, his chin cupped by his hand, looking apologetic as he answers, "I can't, I've got classes in the morning. I'm going to that community college, remember?"

And Sehun does remember, he remembers being shocked when Jongin had told him that he was going back to school. It had taken some prodding, but the latter had eventually admitted that it was Kyungsoo who had pushed him to go back. He hadn't really wanted to go, content with his job here at the record store and how his life was going, but Kyungsoo wouldn't stop nagging him about it. So in an effort to please the older male, Jongin had agreed to go back, despite his reluctance to do so.

Sehun was a little jealous, honestly, he wouldn't mind going to college, either. The last thing he wants is to be stuck working crappy minimum wage jobs the rest of his life, especially since Jongin appeared to be moving forward. He didn't want to be that one friend who only had a GED, working down at the grocery store while everyone else was off doing bigger and better things. It was an unlikely dream, at least for the moment, because with his income and bills and obligations, Sehun wouldn't be able to afford to go back and keep up with his studies at the same time.

So with a sigh, he just nods and replies, "Ah, right, it's okay. I forgot that you were starting your classes soon, my bad. I'll just go on my own, and you can call me whenever you're free and want to skate again. I'm sure we can work something out."

Jongin lets out a noise of approval to show he had been listening, as he watches Sehun pull a record free from the bottom of the box. It's an old new wave album from the eighties, and the latter is extremely pleased to find it. With a grin he hands it over to Jongin, who quickly rings him up.

"You like this depressing shit way too much, Sehun," Jongin jokes, handing the younger boy back his change.

"I can relate to it, that's why," Sehun retorts, shoving the coins into his pocket as he snatches up the record.

The older boy looks mildly shocked at Sehun's outburst, the latter rarely ever reacts this way to Jongin's frequent teasing. With his ears burning in embarrassment over his actions, Sehun quickly turns to leave and tries to scurry out of the shop as fast as he can, but Jongin's voice stops him just as he's about to walk out the door.

"Are you going to Luhan's party this weekend?"

Sehun pauses, thinking about it for a moment because truthfully, he had totally forgotten about it. But when he remembers that he made special arrangements to be off that day (Luhan would kill him if he didn't go), he just nods in response and leaves before Jongin can say anything else.

 

 

 

Luhan's party is packed full of people, most from the fashion industry that the older male works in, models and bloggers and photographers and people that Sehun doesn't fit in with. If it weren't for the fact that he's known Luhan even longer than Jongin, he wouldn't even have bothered to show up at all.

But since he is friends with the host of the party, he has an obligation to be here. Sehun had even shown up early for Luhan to dress him. ( _"Beat up sneakers and crappy shirts from some shady store in downtown aren't going to be seen at this party!"_ ) Which is why he finds himself standing at the edge of the room, wearing an outfit that cost as much as two month's rent, clutching onto a bottle of expensive imported beer, talking to one of Luhan's Chinese friends, one of the models, a dimpled boy who keeps trailing off in the middle of the conversation.

Whatever little attention he was paying attention to the conversation completely disappears once Sehun sees that Jongin has finally arrived to the party. He excuses himself from the other boy, drifting away to watch Jongin. The older boy is dressed much better than usual, hair slicked up and tame for once, black button down fitting his torso as if it were made for him, and equally dark slacks hugging his lean legs just right. It's a complete one eighty from the scruffy skater that Sehun is used to, and his mouth goes completely dry at the sight.

He can't help but admire the sight, watching appreciatively as Jongin walks over, full lips stretched into a smile and showing off his straight, even teeth. Sehun honestly has never seen the older boy look like this before, and he has to admit that Jongin cleans up _extremely_ well.

Once Jongin reaches where Sehun is standing, he smiles even wider, and then leans in close, whispering who-knows-what into his ear. It's hard to pay attention to what he's saying, not when his breath is ghosting nearly intimately over the shell of Sehun's ear, voice low and he curses himself for barely noticing right now just how seductive Jongin's voice can be.

Sehun is fighting down a sudden spike of desire for Jongin, face flushed in embarrassment and want as he stares dumbly at the latter, who looks bemused at Sehun's lack of response to whatever it is that he's said. Before he can gather his wits about him and interact like a normal human, Kyungsoo is there, trademark heart shaped smile on his lips.

Kyungsoo looks even better than Jongin, his hair done up in a way that accents his face shape and round eyes, clothes a perfect fit and looking as if the older male has just stepped off the runway. With a half-hearted return of the smile, Sehun sighs and quickly glances away.

Jealousy is eating him up on the inside, and the last thing he wants to see is how Kyungsoo is clinging onto Jongin's waist, the latter's arm slung casually over the shorter male's shoulders as they're leaned in close and speaking lowly into each other's ears.

The sharp burning of envy that runs over his body is uncomfortable at this point, and Sehun quickly tosses back the rest of his beer, excusing himself to get another and escapes from the couple as quickly as he can. He wanders over to the other side of the party, trying to stay inconspicious and out of the way and he sips at another beer.

Sehun does his best to avoid looking at Jongin and Kyungsoo, but he's not entirely successful, his eyes continuing to stray over to them every once in a while. He figures that he's secretly a masochist after watching the two of them kiss for a minute or two, and he glowers at nothing from where he stands.

Then, another one of Luhan's model friends is standing next to him, tall, Chinese, blonde, and looking as if angry is his default facial expression. Sehun desperately tries to remember his name, because he knows that he's met the other a few times before, but he just can't recall exactly who he is, not after a downing few drinks and sulking here alone.

"My name is Yifan, since you don't seem to remember," the taller male supplies helpfully, and Sehun lets out a slightly embarrassed chuckle.

"Yifan, right, sorry. I forget names easily, don't take it personally," he nods, sipping at his drink, grimacing once he glances over at Jongin and Kyungsoo again.

The taller male follows his gaze, chuckling a little himself, reaching up with a large hand and patting Sehun on the shoulder.

"You couldn't be more obvious if you were dancing in the middle of the room stark naked with the words 'I love Jongin and I'm jealous!' painted across your body."

Sehun chokes on his drink, spluttering as he wipes the liquid from his chin, coughing to try and get air back into his lungs, turning to stare incredulously at Yifan. How would he know about Sehun's feelings about Jongin? Luhan had sworn that he wouldn't tell anyone about what he was going through with his best friend, and he trusts the older boy. The only conclusion he can come to is that Yifan figured it out for himself, and that was a pretty scary thought.

Before he can respond, an equally tall and scary looking black haired boy is at Yifan's side, chattering away in Chinese and trying to drag the taller male away.

"Just tell him how you feel!" Yifan manages to call out helpfully, before he finally gets tugged away and over to the dessert table by the other boy.

With a huff, Sehun leaves his spot and searches the party for a familiar head of honey blonde hair. He finds Luhan standing over by the bar, surrounded by a group of people and Sehun not-so-politely interrupts and drags the older boy away and into a mostly secluded corner.

"Did you tell Yifan to come talk to me about Jongin?" he demands instantly, hand clutched tightly, and maybe a little desperately, onto the older boy's upper arm.

Luhan looks confused as he answers, "No? What did he say to you?"

"He told me it was obvious I loved Jongin! And that I should tell him how I feel..."

There's a pause as Luhan absorbs this, and then he's hunched over, laughing so hard that no noise is even coming out, just shuddery gasps and wheezes laced with breathless laughter. Sehun waits until he's done, shifting impatiently where he stands while the other male pulls himself together enough to answer.

"Oh, I'm going to have to thank Yifan for this. But no, I didn't send him over or tell him anything," Luhan shakes his head, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes, mirth still dancing behind them and twitching at the corners of his lips.

The older male gives Sehun's arm a reassuring pat before going back to his other friends, still chuckling to himself as he walks away. While Sehun just stands there, wallowing in despair because apparently, his pathetic, unrequited love is getting glaringly obvious to everyone except for the object of his affection.

 

 

 

Sehun can hear Jongin's board behind him, they're both skating through downtown towards Sehun's favorite bubble tea shop. It's been a while since he had been there, and so the younger had whined and pleaded to go until Jongin, with a half-hearted smack to his shoulder, had given in to his cute ways and agreed to accompany him to the shop.

With a bright smile, Sehun happily jumps off his board, dragging Jongin by the wrist inside and up to the counter, where, feeling nice, he pays for both their drinks. The elder seems a little surprised by this, since usually they just pay for themselves, both never really having enough extra money to treat the other.

Sehun thinks it's pretty nice, handing over the other boy's drink and sitting across from him, their boards under the table with their feet resting on top, each enjoying their own tea. It feels good to know he treated a friend, especially Jongin, feeling a little warm and fuzzy inside, even as the cold liquid seeps into his body.

Their conversation flows easily as they slurp up pearls and down their tea, Sehun constantly teasing the other boy as he complains about school. How he's had to stay up late to study, and even do homework while he's at work and dealing with Jongdae. ( _"Do you know how hard it is to get anything done when you have that guy reading over your shoulder and giving a running commentary on his thoughts on the subject?"_ ) But Sehun just laughs, because he likes Jongdae, even if the boy was a bit too sarcastic at times.

"So how are you doing, Sehun? Holding out okay?" Jongin questions, fiddling with the straw of his drink.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replies shortly, not wanting to talk about himself.

His life is boring, and repetitive. All Sehun does is go to work, come home and spend time with his cat, go skating by himself or with Jongin, and occasionally goes to visit Luhan and Minseok when the elder insists that he needs to eat a proper meal. There's no need to point any of this out to Jongin, so he doesn't.

"You know, if you ever need help, you can always ask me," Jongin offers, his tone utterly sincere.

Sehun nods in response, honestly too overwhelmed and mildly embarrassed to be able to form words properly. The offer is what originally begins the process of shutting his brain down, but the _look_ in Jongin's eyes is what gets the job done.

That look is something that Sehun rarely sees from the other boy, at least directed at himself. He thinks that he's seen something similar before, but only when Jongin has his gaze aimed at Kyungsoo. It's a mixture of want, longing, and something that is nearly unreadable. Sehun wants to think that it's love, but he also doesn't want to get ahead of himself.

Why would Jongin even look at him that way, in the first place? Sure, Sehun has caught flashes of it before, but it's never lingered or been as obvious as this. The more that Jongin looks at him this way, with those unreadable emotions in his eyes, the more nervous that Sehun gets.

From what he can guess, Jongin only looks at Kyungsoo this way, but lately he's been looking at Sehun like that, too. And he doesn't know what to feel or think about that. If the older boy is starting to look at _him_ this way, does it mean that he has more-than-friendship feelings towards Sehun, too? Or is it all in his head?

He desperately hopes that it's not just a trick of his imagination, wanting to see something that isn't there, that will make his unrequited love less painful to deal with. But he's not a fool, and he knows better than to set himself up for getting his hopes stomped on when it turns out he's wrong.

So instead of sitting there and suffering through the uncertainty any longer, he simply gets up, tossing his trash away and grabbing his board, pushing his sunlgasses onto his face.

"I gotta go, need to buy some cat food for Mochi, totally forgot about it until now," Sehun shrugs, wincing interally at the stupid lie he just told.

Jongin doesn't seem to notice, just seems a little disappointed at his abrupt announcement as he replies, "It's fine, thanks for the tea. See ya."

Sehun waves, doing his best to avoid looking at Jongin's eyes because he just knows that the look will still be _there_ and he doesn't want to see it.

He can't get out of the shop fast enough, head spinning and heart beating faster than normal as he speeds down the street, as if he's doing his best to abandon his confusion behind.

 

 

 

"What is this so called 'emergency best friend meeting' all about?" Luhan asks as he waltzes into Sehun's apartment, Minseok and Snacks trailing behind him.

"Don't you ever go anywhere without these two? No offense, Minseok. Don't you ever tell him to do stuff on his own?" Sehun does his best not to roll his eyes, shutting the door behind his friends and grumpily walking over to his couch.

"Does it really look like Luhan listens to me."

"Good point."

"Excuse me, but if we're done making fun of me I would like an explanation now," Luhan interrupts, arms crossed over his chest as he huffs in annoyance.

So Sehun launches into his story, about all the looks that Jongin has been giving him, how he doesn't know what to do with the other boy because he thinks that something is there, that Jongin might possibly want him too. About how he gets more sure of it the more time he spends with Jongin, the glint in his eyes still present every time and all the hidden meanings and affections behind his touches, which used to be so casual but are not anymore in any way shape or form.

Luhan is a good listener, staying silent throughout Sehun's story, not interrupting or asking questions, just letting the younger boy spill out his feelings as he clasps his hands together thoughtfully, contemplating and absorbing the other's words.

When he does speak, he sounds tired and sympathetic, "Sehun, I really think that you should just tell Jongin how you feel. All this skirting around your attraction for each other isn't doing anyone any good, especially the two of you. You're going to keep hurting like this, if you don't."

"Luhan's right, Sehun," Minseok adds in, "If you tell him, all this uncertainty will be gone. At the worst, you'll have to deal with heartbreak for a little while. But if you take the chance, you could finally be happy and have something that you've wanted and craved for for years."

But Sehun isn't sure, he doesn't think that he wants to tell Jongin how he feels. He has a suspicion that Jongin won't do anything about it, that he's too comfortable with his life and with his relationship with Kyungsoo to do anything as drastic as starting something with Sehun. 

Sometimes, he feels that Jongin just sees Sehun as the friend that he can fuck around with, the one who he can spend time with and act like a bratty teenager who has no worries or responbilities. As if Sehun is an escape from his adult life with adult problems, and a relationship that revolves around each of those things. Sehun is the high school memento, the lingering teen of past summer vacations and innocent youth.

It hurts Sehun, it hurts him so much to realize this, because he knows that it's true. He knows that he will always and forever just be Jongin's friend, and nothing more.

When he's curled up against Luhan later, struggling to hold back the hopelessness and despair that he's threatneing to drown under, Sehun swears to himself that it's the last time that he'll pine this much and hurt this harshly over Jongin.

 

 

 

It's been nearly two weeks and Sehun hasn't seen Jongin at all. He hasn't been avoiding the other boy, even after his conversation with Luhan. He tried to go to the record store where Jongin works, but Jongdae had told him that the other was taking his lunch and Sehun decided to just bum around and wait for him. But Jongin never came out of the back room and he had to dejectedly leave, or else he would have been late for work.

Sehun has continued to go to the skatepark to wait for Jongin, hanging around for as long as he can and hoping the other will show up, but he never caught sight of tousled black hair and sun-kissed skin, and it made him depressed all over again when he had to ride home to his empty and crappy apartment.

Eventually he thinks that Jongin is the one avoiding _him_ and he can't possibly imagine why. He hadn't said anything to upset or offend Jongin in any way the last time they had spoken, so Sehun can't figure out for the life of him why the older boy would be avoiding him so much. Then again, Sehun hadn't tried to pick up his phone and simply _call_ Jongin and find out what was going on. He opted instead to wait around for the elder's call, lazing around his house with Mochi, imagining that maybe Jongin was sitting around and waiting for Sehun's call, too.

But he doubts that's the case. Jongin is probably too caught up in work and school and Kyungsoo to remember that he should probably talk to his best friend.

So it comes as a huge shock when Sehun hears knocking on his door one evening, padding over to it in his pajamas and finding Jongin standing on the other side.

Honestly, he doesn't look good at all. The other has bags under his eyes, skin more gaunt and pallid than usual, and his lips are dry and cracked, as if he's been biting and licking them in frustration.

As soon as Sehun gets over the shock of Jongin's appearance and ushers him inside, the door barely clicking shut, the latter has him pressed up against the wall, lips hovering inches over his own, soft puffs of air the only thing in the space between them.

"Kyungsoo broke up with me," is the only thing Jongin says before attaching their lips together.

Sehun is caught even more off guard by this, the only thing running through his head a constant loop of Jongin's words. The feeling of the older boy's lips on his own is sending his brain into overdrive, and he can't focus on anything, can't even return Jongin's kiss, he's so overwhelmed.

It's not until Jongin has pulled away, and Sehun is licking his kiss-swollen lips that he can finally get a grasp on what's going on.

"Kyungsoo broke up with you?" he asks incredulously, and Jongin just nods.

Once the realization of that hits him, he's angry, so angry. What right does Jongin think he has just to come waltzing into Sehun's home, kissing him and acting like everything is okay? The last thing Sehun wants is to be the older boy's rebound, the convenient friend (who just happens to be in love with him) to help him get over his break up.

Sehun pushes Jongin away from him harshly, doing his best to keep the hurt out of his voice as he spits out, "So now that he's out of your life, you decide that you can just come here and kiss me? If it weren't for Kyungsoo leaving you, you would never have done this at all, would you?"

Jongin stumbles back, looking dazed and shocked, as if he can't believe that the younger is reacting this way, as if this isn't going according to his plan.

"No, Sehun, that's not it at all, you don't understand--"

But Sehun cuts him off, he doesn't want to hear it, and anger and hurt are still clouding his brain and his judgement.

"Jongin, you're the one who doesn't understand! Come back once you've figured it out."

And then he has the front door open, hauling Jongin out and slamming it in his shocked face. Sehun's breathing heavily, trying to hold back a sob that threatens to escape from his throat.

Because Jongin had finally shown up and kissed him, but it was all _wrong_.

 

 

 

Not even four days later, when Sehun is leaving work, exhausted after a long day and having to close up the store, that he finds Jongin waiting on the hood of his car. Seeing the older boy inspires a dull ache in his chest, because what happened in his apartment has been the only thing on his mind these past couple of days. He's nearly used to the pain, by now.

But still, Sehun isn't exactly looking forward to what the older has to say, and it's with a heavy sigh and trepidation that he finally approaches his car, hopping up onto the hood and not bothering to look at Jongin.

They just sit there for a few minutes, neither of them willing to break the silence or even make eye contact, to even acknowledge each other's presence. It's getting to Sehun, honestly, but he's determined to wait. He needs to hear what Jongin wants, the other was the one waiting for Sehun, after all.

And of course, Jongin does break the silence, eventually. His voice is soft when he speaks, but Sehun can clearly hear him. They're sitting so close together, and it's so quiet in the empty parking lot of one am, that the older boy's volume is of no issue.

"I went about coming to you all wrong, and I'm sorry about that, Sehun. It wasn't just because Kyungsoo left me that I went to you," Jongin sighs, shaking his head before continuing once more. "Do you want to know why he left me? He said said it was because he didn't want to be second to you, anymore. He told me that he's known I've loved you for ages. and when I couldn't deny his words, that's when I knew that Kyungsoo was right. I _was_ in love with you, and it took my _boyfriend_ to tell me that I was," he laughs humorlessly at this point, looking down at his hands and falling silent once more, obviously waiting for Sehun's reaction.

Except that Sehun doesn't really know what to do. He's been waiting years for Jongin to tell him that he loves him, too. Years of pining, want, waiting, and heartache. And now that it's finally happened all he can really feel is a sense of numbness and shock.

His head feels like it's full of cotton, heavy and weighing him down, making his reactions and ability to process things slow and sluggish. Sehun simply can't wrap his mind around the fact that Jongin _loves_ him. It seems too good to be true, as if this is just a really amazing dream and he's going to wake up any minute now to Mochi purring on his chest.

Jongin is fidgeting beside him, though, anxiously pulling at the threads sticking out from the holes in his jeans, squirming around where he sits and shooting glances over at Sehun every so often. It's these little nervous habits that has him convinced that is actually _real_. Because Jongin is usually so confident about these types of things, and rarely acts like an insecure little boy around Sehun.

It still takes him a few minutes to completely process the situation, though. But when it does finally sink in that _yeah, this is really happening wow_ , he turns his body and reaches up when Jongin does the same, resting his hand on the back of the latter's neck and pulling him in close, capturing his lips in a soft kiss.

This one is much better than their first kiss, since this time Sehun isn't in shock and horror of what was going on, not overwhelmed, instead completely aware of what's happening. And it's amazing, so amazing, really. Jongin's lips feel exactly like Sehun has always imagined they would. Bigger than his own, soft and warm as their mouths slide together, tongues mingling briefly and Sehun can taste the older boy, all minty toothpaste and something distinctly _Jongin_.

When he's satisfied enough to pull away, he simply looks at the older boy and announces, "I fell in love with an idiot."

But then Jongin is laughing, tugging the younger into an embrace, and Sehun's laughing too. It may have taken years for this to happen, but in the end, he knows that it's alright.

**Author's Note:**

> this is very heavily based off best coast's album "crazy for you" and most specifically the song "boyfriend". another repost from my lj @ shoemin!!


End file.
